Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

Lunes, the day of the moon.

I just got back from a 45 minute dinner by myself because my friends decided to go to dinner without telling me because I was asleep. The bastards! Actually, I don’t really care because I got to read my book and they always look at me funny when I say “War and Peace”.

This weekend was… different. I came home after a very long drive and went to the house of Jacki. We ended up going to a Laser Tag place and I sucked… bad. It just wasn’t my style of fighting. Everyone was for themselves and there were no teams. I liked the gorilla warfare aspect of it, however, because that is always fun. I did form some sort of quasi-alliance with a small black kid that looked like Webster, but then he shot me as I was walking away. Following that was a short stay at Barnes and Noble (woohoo!) and then a frightening ride home under the control of Mol (Molly).

That was Friday night.

On Saturday, Jason and I went to Columbus to visit Laura of McMurray. It was a fun-filled evening of conquest and shopping in gay stores.

I think I will take a moment and focus just on the gay stores, as that is probably the most interesting aspect of this trip.

Now, I had never been to a gay store. And, although I have some homosexual friends, nothing prepared me for what I was to find. The first store, owned by a ‘couple’ who themselves owned a white poodle (classic…), looked like a Hot Topic or something of that sort. It wasn’t until I picked up on the small hints, like the mention of the word “penis” in all merchandise, or the flamboyant salesman wearing the purple cut-off shirt, that I realized what kind of store this was. Speaking of that salesman in the cut-off, he mistook Jason and I for a couple. All I have to say about that is I ended up getting 20% all my merchandise (what can I say, homosexual men find me attractive…)

The 2nd gay store was a little too much for me. I think it was the greeting cards. Just use your imagination.

After my flight into the dregs of our country’s neverending sexual liberation (Since 1967 and still going strong), there was the bus ride home where I sat next to probably the prettiest girl I have ever seen in my life. Unfortunately, I am somewhat of a chicken so I didn’t talk to her. Also, I feared that she would stand up and yell “Pervert!” and get off the bus. Hasn’t happened YET, but it is bound to occur.

When we got back to Laura’s friend’s place, we rioted. No… we didn’t riot. Actually, we lynched a black man.

Listening to the comments of Laura’s friends about the war in the Middle East that is bound to happen, the group probably very well could have actually done this Republican action.

After a C- movie with too happy of an ending for me (I hate happy endings… much too false), we went back to Laura’s place where I collapsed into a heap on her couch. Jason and I left the world of Jim Morrison and flamboyant specialty shops the next morning.