Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

Today is Wednesday.

It has happened. The boring, colorless, milk-and-water existence that is my life officially went below rock-bottom yesterday. I’m not proud of what I did, but it must be said: Last night, I watched all 3 Back to the Future movies in a single sitting.

Unfortunately, yesterday was not one of the most unproductive things I’ve ever done. It does not even compare to the time I slept for 24 hours straight. Man, that was some good sleepin’.

Right now, “Roommate Ken” is asleep with his girlfriend at his side. It’s sort of like he’s mocking me saying, “Hey Shaun! I have a girlfriend! Yeah! Look at me! That’s right!” The point of me saying this is that I’m trying establish evidence showing I was justified in murdering “Roommate Ken”.

If you can’t tell, it’s about that time in the quarter when I hate my roommate. It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t constantly forget to turn off his music. Actually, that doesn’t even bother me all that much. I think what gets me the most is the always-present foul stench of his unwashed, putrid skin. I can literally tell when he has been present. There is a salty odor throughout the entire room. It’s disgusting. Perhaps a friendly note commenting on how his stink could wipe out an entire African village faster than the Ebola virus is in order. Also, I’m thinking about setting off a flea bomb on his side. I don’t know if Residence Services would like that too much, however.

To all my online proselytes out there, I would just like to take a moment to honor you with a compliment: