Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

Monday, Monday.

“You have ears.”
-Shaun M. Lewis

I think that quote sums up my weekend very well. On Friday, I did literally nothing. I contributed a big, fat ZERO to society. My night was spent trying to figure out how to make a soundtrack for the short flick I made starring the two sexiest men alive (minus me, of course), Jesse Kidd and Bill Bicknell. If you’ve never met Jesse or Bill, you are missing out on an undiscovered form of pop music: Techno Sousa. That’s right, The Washington Post March to the backdrop of synthesized keyboards, crazy industrial sounds, and a man constantly shouting “Yeah! Come here to get some!”

So, Friday was a complete wash-out.

Saturday, however, was a mighty fine day. It began at 12:00 pm for me. What can I say, I like waking up early. After a few HOURS of waiting, the sexiest woman alive, Lauriepoo, arrived in the Krust’s white mid-90’s Pontiac Chariot of Fire (commonly called a “Grand Am”). After an extravagant meal at Wendy’s, we searched uptown for The Time Machine by H.G. Wells.

2 hours later…

After experiencing all the literacy ignorance that is prevalent in America today, we journeyed back to my room for a calm, quiet flick: Full Metal Jacket.

Personally, I feel this film is perfect to watch right before the drunken orgy that all OU parties turn into, however, I believe Laura felt otherwise. After the movie, I noticed a broken girl, huddled in the corner like a fetus, sucking her thumb. Perhaps the movie was a little too violent for her Hippie Antics. Or, perhaps it was my constant urging for her to “look past the surface” and to “dig into the deep unknown of the movie” that pushed her over the edge.

Because the movie was over and Lauriepoo had to get ready for a night of alcoholic mayhem with the Krust, we walked back to the palatial residence that is Krusty’s.

The best part was when I walked in on Krusty’s roommate changing. Ah… the memories…

Laura then casually shooed me away by saying, “Goodbye, Shaun,” very deliberately, coughing, and making strained glances at the door. I caught the hint I was unwanted and walked back to my dorm an emotional wreck. (Not really…)

After a few hours of waiting for my movie time to arrive, it finally did. Great story, eh?

The movie I saw was Russian Ark and I really liked it. I will chronicle the movie in another tale from the world of Shaun because I need to continue with my weekend.

The movie was now over and I had the choice of going to a party with Laura and the Krust, or watching a movie by myself. Guess which one I chose…

I watched Forrest Gump. I would’ve gone to the party, but for some reason Kristi and alcohol just frightens me like no other combination imaginable. I think Laura was hurt I didn’t come… so I laughed at her. She then punched me in the face. I returned with a left cross. We proceeded to beat each other for a few hours. Also, I made all that up.

On Sunday, I selected my room for next year. Being the unsocial heathen that I am, I chose a single directly two floors above me. It is the same size as my room now, although that is not saying much. After my selection process, I engaged in one of the most fruitless and boring study sessions conceivable. Neither one of us had fun. However, then we and a few friends “flew” a kite and played frisbee. I had never played frisbee, and I sucked.

Since this is getting to be VERY long, and I have the attention span of a mouse, I will end the story with one hyphenated word: I-had-fun-this-weekend-dogg.

The End.