Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

Well… it’s that time of the day when I update my grand ole commentary. I am slowly running out of things to talk about. It’s actually becoming quite a problem with my social life. I now sit at home every night, huddled in a corner, scribbling possible entries with a fake pencil on an imaginary piece of paper.

Actually, that’s not true. It’s an imaginary quill, not a pencil. I mean, if you’re going to lose your mind, why not do so in a 17th Century Baroque style, right?

Speaking of which, did anyone hear about how Dubya lost his mind and ran naked through the White House during a tour? I didn’t either because I just made that up.

That does bring up a good point though: I think there should be more presidents running around naked. Just think of how much MORE powerful we could become. Honestly… if a 60 year-old man is sitting across from you stark naked, are you really going to be paying attention to the details of the treaty? I don’t think so.

If our presidents wore their birthday suits to work everyday, it is a very strong possibility our tourism dollars in Washington D.C. would go up. Who wouldn’t want to see a president naked? (subtle Freudian slip) In addition to those obvious benefits, if we played our cards right, Bush might get a National Geographic special. There are always seem to be naked people there.

Aside: Is anyone else concerned with the way the tribal women’s breasts on NG are always just kind of “floating around”. I mean, my god, it’s like watching a bowl of JELL-O walk down the street. It’s disturbing! I sit there in a trance trying to figure it out, but I just can’t. Does this bother anyone else? Am I the only one who is concerned with this?

Now, I agree there should be certain restrictions on this presidential nudity issue. Item number 1) On days where the temperature is less than 65 F a bathrobe shall be worn be provided and must be worn at all times. Item number 2) No president shall be allowed to “make their ass talk” by flexing muscles in the gluteus region. Item number 3) If Donald Rumsfeld ever gets naked, he will be put before a military tribunal and charged with crimes against humany because that’s just nasty. Item number 4) If that soulful brutha’ Colin Powell ever gets naked, he will be showered with praise and there will be a monument erected (no pun intended) to honor that occasion.

With those small inclusions, I think we can turn America from a conservative, Christian-run society in a park full of nudists on the Fourth of July weekend. Our bargaining powers will be increased greatly, and other countries may waive any debts incurred by us if we merely put our clothes back on. The pros most definitely outweigh the cons.

On another non-nudist topic, I still haven’t registered for my classes for Fall next year. I have a strange feeling I’m going to end up with things such as History of Grass: 1650 - 1848 and Pirating 352A: Yer Lost Booty and Implications on Modern Treasure-Huntin’ Scoundrels. PIR 352A isn’t even required for my Pirating major, man.

That reminds me, for those of you who don’t know, I changed my major at Ohio University. I am now pursuing a B.A. degree in Modern Pirating with a minor in Business Law. Hopefully I’ll be able to get into the class I really want to take, Pirating 298C: Keelhauling and You.

That’s all…