Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

Once again, the weather has turned a scornful glance at the small town of Athens, OH. It is, yet again, raining. The frequency of precipitation in Athens is astounding. At least once a day, it rains. It is like living with a bucket being daily poured over your head.

I guess at least today’s rain is something to get a little excited about. Usually, it rains the pansy drizzly rain — the kind where you feel like you’re walking through a spa. Today is different. The rain today makes it sound like small animals are being dropped on your umbrella. It is quite excellent. Not that dead animals falling out of the sky would make me happy, but it would.

In other news, Darwinism was at its best in my room last night. Roommate Ken was trying assert himself as Alpha Male. It all began when I started listening to some music while his stinky self was playing a computer game. He responded by turning up his game volume and putting on some Metallica at the loudest possible setting his speakers could handle. Feeling like a deer caught in a pair of headlights, I immediately began to collect prey to offer as a sign of my loyalty. Suddenly, his girlfriend walked in the room. We both went for her and ended up getting in a fight to the death for mating rights.

OK — I made all that up except the last part. Roommate Ken is dead and his girlfriend is now my chattel slave.

For an unknown reason, I’ve been contemplating the mysteries of life in regards to the Von Trapp Family. I mean, do we not all believe the hills are “alive” with the “sound of music”? I know I do.

Another thing I’ve been doing lately is making up fake names for people. For example: Melanie has become the “Melinator”. Andrea has become the “Andre-inator”. Steve is now referred to as the “Steve-inator”. I guess I’m not really making up names, but more just adding “-inator” at the end of already existing ones. I fear this is an annoying habit, but it’s kind of like cocaine. Pretty soon I’ll end up wandering the streets of Athens muttering names to myself. I just can’t stop doing it. I wonder if they have support groups for this kind of thing…

Another thing I’ve become addicted to lately is the band “Cake”. I honestly don’t know what prompted this, but it’s the only music I listen to. My classical and jazz have been put on hold while I hear the words flow out of the mouths of the members of this band. It may be having a detrimental effect on my writing because suddenly, all my sentences end rather quickly and the grammar is all shot to hell. That could also be because I fell off a balcony the other night, but I doubt it.

Whatever it is, I do know that I am tired and am going to take a nap before my next class. So, in the immortal words of me:

“Why yes, I do look a little like Robert Redford.”

That’s all…