Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

English: “Thursday,” I said.
Russian: “Ftornik,” ya govoreel.

It’s official. According to an Internet psychological test, I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Frankly, I’ve known that I’ve been afflicted with this disease for quite some time. The fact that I avoid cracks on the sidewalk like the plague was my first clue. It’s a good thing the Internet was there to call attention to my defects, or I just don’t know what I would have done.

Actually, the test wasn’t that bad, but not the greatest indicator in the world. It was simply a 20 question test with the answers “Yes” or “No.” It rated your liklihood of having OCD by how you answered the questions. On the 11th or 12th “Yes”, I started to realize something may be wrong. Apparently 2 or more “Yes” answers means you have OCD. I tore it up with an amazing 17.

Beat that, Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets!

However, according to the results, it said my OCD was not dehabilitating. I almost took that as a challenge to make it. Flash forward 10 years — I’m living in a shack on the Montana countryside ritually walking in a circle dictating rambling manifestos to a non-existing secretary. My, how the future looks bright…

Now, let’s not get carried away with this OCD thing — I really don’t care about it. So, don’t go thinking I’m typing about it looking for sympathy. I am totally not going for that. Instead, I’m just making fun of myself for not even being able to get a cool disease like schizophrenia.

I guess it comes down to the fact that I’m just not hip enough for mental illnesses like schizophrenia. Actually, maybe it’s that I couldn’t find an Internet test to diagnose me with one…