Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

Thursday.

Well, today is shaping up to be a decent day. Last night, I was concerned because I didn’t do what I thought was a big assignment I had to turn into class today. About five minutes ago on my way back to my room, however, I discovered that this “big” assignment is not so big after all. I feel duped because I thought it was so huge when it was, in fact, quite small. I’m sure there are many women out there who feel my pain.

As for yesterday: it was pretty cool. TUESDAY is the day that rocked though. Although, I really want to talk about both days. I think I’ll go chronologically…

Tuesday

When it first started, Tuesday sucked pretty bad. I didn’t feel very well when I woke up, and I missed Russian.

Note: I felt bad about missing Russian until today. Apparently, there were only 5 people in class that day. Mass absences make it difficult for me to feel bad about myself.

Luckily, as the day continued, it seemed to get better. My Tudor England class was cancelled, so that made it even better. After I was finished with all my classes at 5:00, I was ready to go through with my plans for the evening.

I should pause for a moment and introduce a new character into this story — Irene. Irene has a Northern accent. She’s pretty cool, but sadly, has a boyfriend who could easily beat me up. Actually, I’m sure he could easily hire someone to beat me up because he’s rich. A rich boyfriend is automatically bad news for me. I know Irene through another friend, named “The Baroness Ashley von Whitestead.” (Yes, I make up nicknames based on 19th-Century German nobility titles for ALL my friends, don’t you?)

Back to the story.

I had plans that evening; plans, in fact, that involved Irene. We had discussed buying pizza on Monday night, and decided on doing just that. So, I called Irene and she told me to call Goodfellas and order the pizza. Simple enough, right?

Wrong.

Apparently, there are two telephone numbers for Goodfellas because there are two restaurants. I called the one labelled “Uptown.” Being used to calling Papa John’s, Pizza Hut, etc. I was surprised when someone answered the phone with just “Hello,” and not “Pick-up or delivery?” Because I was surprised, I didn’t know what to say and I sat on the phone in silence for 15 seconds before I took the initiative and said,

“Uh… yeah. I want to order a pizza, or something.”
“OK,” said the Goodfellas Girl.

[long awkward pause]

“This is Goodfellas, right?” I questioned.
“Yep,” she said.

[another awkward pause]

“OK, so can I get a pizza then?”
“Yeah, you can,” the Goodfellas Girl said.
“I’ll have a pepperoni pizza then,” I said.
“Half-sheet or full sheet?” she asked.
“Half.”

[very long awkward pause]

“I’ll talk to you later,” the Goodfellas Girl said.
“Wait — which Goodfellas is this?”
“Oh. the one on Union.”
“And, how much will it be?”
“Oh. $9.”

[long pause]

“…and, how long will it take?”
“Uh… I don’t know. How does 15 minutes sound?” the Goodfellas Girl inquiried.
“I don’t know how long it takes to make a pizza. Is that enough time?” I asked.
“Yeah, I think so,” she responded.

[yet another long pause]

“OK, then I’m gonna go now,” I said trying to end the conversation.
“OK, bye!”

Worst phone conversation ever. Obviously, a race of brain-stealing aliens has attacked Goodfellas and all their employees no long have the ability to think.

So, after that horrible conversation, I went to Irene’s and we went to get some soda and then pick up the pizza. After driving around for 15 minutes trying to find a parking space near the Diner on Court St., I realized the Goodfellas Girl said Union St. So, we ended up just parking by Bromley and walking because Athens is a dirty, dirty whore when it comes to parking.

Pizza in hand, we walked to my car and went back to Irene’s. While there, we watched the only thing one can watch while eating pizza — Wayne’s World. THAT’S when we both decided we should be Wayne and Garth for Halloween. Obviously, I would make a much better Garth than Wayne, although I could pull off the Wayne too.

Eventually, I left Irene’s and went back to my dorm to get ready for Wednesday.

On Wednesday, I fenced. That’s really about it.

So, to sum it all up,

• 1) Today is pretty good so far,
• 2) Irene has a Northern accent and a boyfriend that can beat me up,
• 3) Goodfellas order-takers are spawns of Satan sent from Hell,
• 4) Wayne’s World rocks.

Until tomorrow…