Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

So, it’s been awhile since I’ve updated something (other than a wonderful introductory message, which can be found below); I think I should write a little story about my weekend. This tale, like all my others, is a tale of woe and romance. It is one of excitment and adventure. Maybe even kittens.

OK, so there are no kittens in this tale, but it’s still pretty good.

This epic begins in the humble little town of Athens, OH. For those of you who don’t know, Athens is where most of my stories begin–probably because I live there when I’m in school. But, back to the story. It was Friday, oh yes, but not an ordinary Friday. This Friday, I was embarking on a journey to the farthest reaches of the top of my map of Ohio; Akron (give or take a few miles) was my destination.

I started the day with a wonderful visit to the Archives and Special Collections of Ohio University. I worked until about 1 p.m. When I left, I could hear my boss, George, call out to me. “Have a good time at your wedding, Shaun!” George was clearly confused because there was no wedding. I asked myself, “Did I tell him there was a wedding?” The answer was a resounding, “No.” I headed forward out the door faster, avoiding any sort of explanation and leaving him to his wonderful fantasies.

Around 3 in the p.m., Maria came and picked me up. There was little room in her Saturn because 1) Beth and Angie were also there, and 2) it’s a Saturn, so it was not meant to hold more than 3 people comfortably, or perhaps 27 clowns.

I am not a clown.

The uncomfort was bearable, however, and we (Angie, Beth, Maria and I) headed Northward towards Akron. After reaching West Virginia, we realized we had not headed northward at all, but were, in fact, traveling eastward. A slight adjustment in direction and 2.4 hours later brought us to the small town of Uniontown, OH (near Akron).

We were at Beth’s house.

After we pulled into and out of the driveway many times (it IS difficult to decide on which side to park sometimes), we headed up Beth’s walkway to the door. There, we were greeted by, of all people, Beth’s parents. They were mighty nice people and almost instantly began to feed us lasagna.

That’s my kind of house.

We ate and the food was good; all were merry. Once our plates had been cleared from the table and rubber bands had been placed on all our cups to distinguish whose was whose, we headed to a room with a TV. There we watched Atlantis, which I had never seen, and The Road to El Dorado, which I HAD seen. Both movies were excellent, especially Atlantis. My favorite line was, “He took his suitcase? Margie, I don’t think he’s coming back.”

Following a sleep that was more constantly waking up than sleep, I woke up. I showered, did all that hygiene junk, and headed downstairs where I found Beth and Maria already awake. Angie came down later and after discussing what to do, we headed to Borders for a little reading.

It’s probably easy to guess what I read in Borders: a picture book. I read lots of picture books and this time was no different.

At 3:00 p.m., we left Borders and headed in some unknown direction (I was totally lost, like our navigator and driver) to a church. This was not just ANY church, however; it was a Catholic church. That in itself was exciting enough for me. I had only been to one other Mass and that was at the Bascilica in St. Louis (good times, good times).

The Mass was probably one of the most boring things I have ever been to in my entire life. I was told this was unusual. What I had witnessed was not actually a Mass, but more of “something else.” That’s fine though; I think I’ll go to another Mass some other time. Perhaps one day, with a little luck, I might even make it to Temple.

After the Mass, we ordered some pizza (which was quite good), picked up Beth’s relative or something and made our way to Kent State where OU was playing. The game was pretty excellent and I took quite a few pictures. The only major problem was that with Billy, Beth’s relative, in the car, there was even LESS room.

Oh, and Angie went crazy at the game. That was kind of neat.

I shouldn’t say “crazy.” That has a negative connotation. It was more, “she was uberly-excited and yelled for OU at any chance she got.” It was definitely neat though; I had never seen her get so enthusiastic before.

Good entertainment.

Next, after the game, we came back to where Beth lives (after dropping off Billy) and decided to watch a movie. I picked The Sound of Music because it had Nazis and WWII stuff in it; I shouldn’t have picked The Sound of Music. During the first song, when the hills are “alive” with “the sound of music,” I think my life sang to a terrifying new low. I realized my chance for any sort of normal life involving girls was over and that I was gay.

Maria help me come to this conclusion ever chance she got that weekend.

Finally, on Sunday, we headed back to Athens. After a long time looking out a car window, one train with 94 cars (everyone counted but me–I stood outside the car and stretched my legs on the middle of a road in Muskingham), and bad music that was overpowered by my trusty iPod and a set of headphones, our journey was over. We arrived back in Athens.

Despite what this story sounds like, I had a very good time. I had some of the best food I had ever eaten in my life and there was much joy and goodwill spread around by all. In the future, though, I will think a little bit more before spending the weekend with only girls. I really do think it kind of warped my brain into girl mode by Sunday. In other words, I was crazy and melodramatic.

EVERY once in a while that might be better than guy mode, but I, personally, enjoy eating steaks drenched in A-1 Sauce and making things out of metal.