Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

Well, it’s Monday.

I wasn’t feeling very well this morning, but the pains in my stomach have passed and I am doing much better. I think my illness was caused by a certain family member who was also sick. Those sort of things happen, I guess. Luckily, I have the immune system of an ox so I wasn’t sick for too long.

And now, my weekend.

My Weekend
By Shaun M. Lewis

On Friday, Jason had to work, so it was Jacki and I who did something. We really didn’t have any idea at all of what we could do, but eventually a plan was formulated—it was to see a movie. I had suggested we go to the cheap seats (what better theater than a $2.50 one?) and see Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. With the benefit of hindsight, I wish we would have, instead, gouged out our eyes with spoons; it certainly would have made the movie somewhat bearable.

OK, I’m being a little bit dramatic, yes, but the movie still was not very good. For those of you who wanted to see it, I recommend you don’t. For those of you who are thinking about renting it when it comes out, I still say don’t. For those of you who can rent free movies because a family member/you work at Blockbuster/Family Video/Movie Gallery/other life-stealing job, I say, “maybe.” Really, I think the 113 minutes of your life required to watch this film are worth more than the movie itself.

That’s just my opinion, of course.

After that, Jacki and I went to Tim Horton’s, which happens to be a really strange place for both of us to eat because our hatred of Tim Horton’s is quite mutual. I had intended to get Arby’s for dinner because that’s what I was in the mood for, but Jacki managed (through reverse psychology) to get me to eat @ TH’s. Once we walked into the palace of bad food, I started looking at the menu; I decided I was really in the mood for a plain bagel with cream cheese. Jacki ordered some sort of Soup Monster. We got our food and sat down.

Right here is where the story starts to turn a little weird. When I sat down with my bagel (that the server had placed on top of Jacki’s soup monster instead of just giving me another tray—fine service, indeed), I noticed it smelled of onions. I don’t like onion bagels, and decided that’s what I had been given even though I ordered a plain bagel.

I went up to the counter.

“Uh, yeah,” I said, “this bagels smells of onions.” The server stared at me. “I ordered a plain bagel,” I said. The server stared blankly at me a bit more. Finally, after the wheels in her head had turned a bit, she replied,
“We’re out of plain bagels.”
“Oh,” I said. I went back to my seat and sat down. “They’re out of plain bagels,” I told Jacki.
“Did you ask for another kind?” Jacki responded. I answered “no” with my silence.

I got up and walked back up to the server. “Yeah,” I said feigning righteous indignation, “I want a different bagel.” The server sighed for what seemed a never-ending period and then asked me what kind of bagel I wanted in place of the onion-nastiness. I said sesame seed. She handed me a sesame seed bagel; I had triumphed.

I sat down, proud of my victory, and bit into the bagel I didn’t want in the restaurant I didn’t feel like going to thinking about how awesome I was. I had failed miserably, but I didn’t know/care.

That was Friday.

On Saturday, Jason joined Jacki and I. We went to the Paint Your Own Pottery Place. Actually, that’s not the real name. I don’t know what it was called, but I’m just going to take a guess and say it was a cute, little play on some of the vocabulary associated with pottery. I imagine you, the reader, can invent some name like that; the more stupid the name sounds the closer you are to the real name of the pottery place where we went.

Initially, I didn’t feel like painting, but I got swept up in the spirit of it all after we picked out our piece (a piggy bank) and decided to go ahead and have at it. I was assigned to paint the nose and face, and that’s exactly what I wanted to paint. I took artistic liberties when I painted the nose green with yellow racing stripes and the nostrils blue. Jacki suggested that the pig have sideburns, which of course were added. Also, the pig was given sunglasses after Jason bumped my arm while I was coloring one of the eyes and had to fix a black streak between the two. I will post a picture of the pig when we get it back (next Saturday, I think?), but for now it’s not that hard to imagine. Picture the Fonz as a pig and add every bright and flashy color you could imagine.

That is our pig.

After our journey of pottery exploration was complete, we headed back to Jacki’s house to watch Back to the Future. I was pretty happy about this because I had been thinking about Back to the Future ever since Friday. We went to my house to get it, but it wasn’t there. Jason had borrowed it. Because we didn’t feel like driving back to Jason house to get it, we just watched Jurassic Park instead. Jason left before the movie was over and after it was finished Jacki and I watched The Butterfly Effect, which happens to be one of the weirdest movie I’ve ever seen. It was pretty decent though. I recommend you watch both the theatrical version AND the director’s cut on the DVD because they are COMPLETELY different movies.

That was pretty much the weekend though. Sunday we (Jason, Jacki and I) went to get coffee and read books; I developed an unhealthy obsession with Minesweep—just the usual kind of thing.

I had fun this weekend. Hopefully the next will be just as good.