Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

It’s Saturday afternoon.

I’m bored and there is nothing to do right now because it’s Saturday afternoon. It’s currently too late to start anything new and it’s too early to do stuff. Also, Jason went to work early and Jacki is, presumably, still asleep. That leaves me with a big fat 0 on the amount of things I could do that doesn’t involve TV. I actually just used up my last resort; it was to take my neighbor’s dog for a walk. I am now resortless.

The walk was fun though. I took my wiener dog, Oscar, with the neighbor dog and I. The neighbor’s dog’s name is Woody in case anyone was wondering. Honestly, the size difference between Oscar the wiener dog and Woody the chocolate lab was comical. To put things in perspective, Oscar is the size of a baby and Woody is the size of a large ship. I’m quite positive Woody could fit my head in his mouth if that was something he really wanted to do. Hopefully he nevers does.

Since I’m bored at the moment, I’ll talk about last night because it was pretty fun. Jacki and I hung out at her house trying to figure out something to do. Eventually, we decided to go see Phantom of the Opera because there was honestly nothing else to do. We decided to go to the movie theater near the Fairfield Commons Mall (a little farther away than usual) because it was cheaper. Naturally, I didn’t think about that and drove pretty much the opposite direction to the Dayton Mall. It wasn’t until we were inside that Jacki pointed out my stupidity.

Shaun: 0
Jacki: 1

We chose J.C. Penny as our entrance point into the mall. Usually, I choose Elder-Beerman but I decided to be different this time. Really, the only reason I went into J.C. Penny was because Jacki said I always go into Elder-Beerman. There is a reason for this. I get lost whenever I go into other stores. When we walked in last night, the slipperiness level of the floor caught us off guard. Jacki, of course, did what she normally does and yelled really loud about how slippery the floor was and then danced in place.

Shaun: 0
Jacki: 2 (for her Moonwalk)

Instead of changing plans or something like that because we went to the wrong mall, Jacki and just walked around the stores flaunting our (my) error. Our goal was to find some green low-top Converse shoes for Jacki. When I say “walked around,” however, I mean we would walk 100 feet and I would change direction suddenly because I can be spastic sometimes. During this whole time I was pretty hungry and I complained a lot about it to Jacki. She suggested we go to the Food Court and I said that I didn’t feel like it. A minute later I had a good idea though. It was to go to the Food Court.

Shaun: -1 (for stealing Jacki’s idea and calling it my own)
Jacki: 3

When we got to the second level of the mall, I didn’t see anything I wanted. Jacki pointed out Taco Bell, which I had forgotten about, and we were on our way to food heaven. I assumed it would be food heaven, at least. It wasn’t. Well, the food was good, but the service was so horrible it was funny. In fact, I laughed about it when I had my food. Oh—and Jacki and I were the loudest human beings in the world while we waited in line.

Shaun: 0 (for being loud)
Jacki: 4 (for finding Taco Bell and also being loud)

After we ate, we decided to continue our quest for shoes. Unfortunately, we got bored rather quickly (didn’t even make it down the escalator really) and headed to my car so we could drive to the Fairfield Commons Mall. We started the evening off with 3 hours to kill, but by this time, we only had 1 and a half left.

Before I drove to the right mall I had to get gas. The price was, as expected, outrageous. In fact it was 2.199 per gallon. My low fuel light was on so I went ahead and filled the tank up.

Shaun: 0 (and exactly $30.00 lighter)
Jacki: 4 (and lucky she didn’t have to pay for gas)

So, I drove to the Fairfield Commons Mall. The drive was a long one, but I managed to make it with the aid of a certain CD titled Songs in the Key of Springfield. Jacki looked uncomfortable listening to it, but I didn’t care because I was happy.

Shaun: 1 (for being happy)
Jacki: 3 (for not finding eternal joy out of The Simpsons)

We arrived at the mall with just enough time to ask when it closed, which happened to be right when we were asking. Instead of wandering around somewhere else and killing time, I suggested we go home. We did just that and ended up watching Napoleon Dynamite at Jacki’s house. The night was, obviously, a night full of purpose.

Jacki suggested it would’ve saved us 3 hours if I had just pulled up to the gas station in town, taken the nozzle off the hook and pumped the gasoline into a trash can. I agreed.

Eventually, Jason came over and we went to Wal-Mart. We got some of the world’s best IBC root beer and went back to Jacki’s to watch The Incredibles. According to Jason’s account of the evening here there was a point where I started beating Jacki. I don’t really remember this so much, but honestly, it could’ve happened. I’m a pretty tough guy.

Shaun: 0 (for beating women)
Jacki: 4 (sympathy point because she was beaten)

To sum this INCREDIBLY long entry up, I wasted gas and beat up a girl. It was fantastic. There was a downside though: Jacki’s total point value is now 4 points higher. I didn’t get any extra points yesterday so I’m holding steady at around 2 or 3 for my life. Jacki: over 3000.

Blast.