Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

Yes, it’s Wednesday.

Well, I haven’t done very much today. Samantha, my little niece, came over today and we had to take Oscar for a walk to the park. Unfortunately, Samantha is only about 2 years old so we walked close to the speed of glacier. Continents have moved faster than we did. Surprisingly, this didn’t bother me all too much because both Samantha and Oscar are great chick magnets. Together, they are unstoppable. Well, they are sort-of unstoppable. The only problem with this whole plan: there aren’t very many hot chicks in New Lebanon.

The only way to fix this problem is to take Samantha where there are hot chicks. This in and of itself creates another problem because in order to transport Samantha and Oscar to another place, I have to use a car seat. Girls don’t usually go for guys with car seats in their cars because 1) car seats don’t fit well in BMW Z4 Roadsters, or if I don’t have a roadster then 2) that means the guy might be married or something like that—and definitely not rich. Blast. I guess I’ll have to survive on my wits.

In others words, I’m pretty screwed.

That was earlier today though. Very early. Like afternoon early. I have done a few things since then—not many, but a few.

OH! There was one thing that I did today. Unfortunately, I can’t go into details about what it was because it’s a surprise for someone. In fact, I probably shouldn’t even mention it. Still, I would like to take a second and thank the hell out of Ben Bicknell because without him it wouldn’t have been possible. So, Ben, sorry I can’t reveal the details, but remember that I am eternally grateful. Also, I think everyone should worship you as a god.

Actually, I’ll probably end up ruining the surprise pretty quickly. I ALWAYS manage to do that. I can’t keep my mouth shut about surprises. I think it’s a medical condition I have. Really, I should look into taking some type of drug for this. Surely there is something out there that can help me. I’ll have to get a Physician’s Desk Reference and check that out. I’m thinking maybe I could just gas myself until it’s time to reveal the secret.

You know, the funny thing about this whole secrecy thing is that it’s nothing to be secretive about. In fact, I think I’m really building up the surprise WAY TOO MUCH by talking about it. I’m pretty sure when it is made public, the result will be disappointing. Additionally, I’m pretty sure that I’m kind of flaunting this to all my friends for whom I don’t have a surprise. To mend the situation, I’ll probably end up having to have secrets for ALL my friends.

Luckily, I am almost a loner.

Enough about the secret though. I keep talking about how I don’t want to talk about it (I do that a lot). Perhaps it’s because I don’t have too much else to talk about tonight. After I came back from Ben’s house, I ended up downloading some new Cake songs. Cake recently remade “Wheels”, “No Phone” and “Daria” (probably my favorite song) for download on iTunes. There are two other new songs there too. The whole thing is probably just a gimmick for some more money, but I’m not all too concerned. I actually do like the remake of “Daria”.

For anyone interested, it’s available for download on iTunes. The album is Wheels - EP.

After that, I did some stuff with Jason. We didn’t do too much. Mainly, we just drove around New Lebanon and Jackson Twp. and then stopped at the firehouse to “check” (play with) the fire engine and tanker. I came home and ended up getting disappointed after watching American Idol because Anthony had not been voted off. Truly, I do not like this person.

Note: Originally, I put “man” instead of “person.” I figured this was lying and quickly changed it to “person” to be a little more accurate with my storytelling. Or, maybe I just don’t like him at all and look for any chance to insult him. Probably the latter.

Aside: I am not as full of hate for Anthony as it appears. Really, I don’t care too much about him. Thought I should throw that out there so people don’t get scared of me because they think I am going to kill them or something. BUT… if Anthony wins the competition, I will. Kill, that is.

I suppose it’s time to get to bed here soon. The old mother is having surgery on her hand (carpal tunnel syndrome and all) tomorrow morning and I want to be there while it is being done. I’m not sure why I do because all I’ll probably do is read magazines or the newspaper. Oh well, I guess I just like my mom even if she DOES think I remind her of Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs. (Yes… she actually told me that. In front of Jacki, no less).

Until later…