Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

Well, it’s Saturday night.

I just got back from the House of Jason. It was a lovely visit. Talking to my neighbor, Kevin, about Mogadishu, Somalia and all that jazz put me in the mood for a wonderful little war movie: Black Hawk Down. Apparently Kevin was part of that battle (in case you didn’t know, it’s Operation Restore Hope or the Battle of Mogadishu, which took place in Oct. 1993). Not the actual ground fighting, mind you — he was in the Navy. His role was to sit 3 miles off the coast and maintain his ship’s freshwater supply. As he put, “I still got a medal, which is freakin’ sweet.”

Kevin has a way with words.

All over the fair village in which I live people are setting off firecrackers. This is interesting, I feel, because it’s only July 2nd. I’m actually somewhat disappointed they couldn’t wait until the 4th. That’s like setting off fireworks for New Year’s on the 27th or something. I am one to speak of “pointless” however. Who was involved in setting off fireworks in the middle of May? Answer: me. Also, Jacki, Cherith, Jeff, Jason and Dalton (I think I’m forgetting about someone — maybe not). That was a pretty awesome time though if I recall.

Makes me wish Jacki was back home in order to coerce me with her feminine wiles to buy more illegal fireworks. Her feminine wiles do seem to have an effect on me. Hopefully she will never learn this.

Back to the booms I hear outside my house. They remind me of the holiday that is rapidly approaching. Originally, I didn’t have any plans for the 4th (of July, that is). All my friends (BOTH of them!) were busy and doing things. That left me sitting at home with my family, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but not exactly how I wanted to spend my holiday. You see, that’s what I do every 4th of July. We always have a barbeque, sit around for multiple hours, then go to Englewood (about 30 mins. away) to see their fireworks display. I usually enjoy the time together, as I just said, but for whatever reason I felt like going somewhere and doing something different this year.

This is where my friend Kate whom I’ve never met enters my little story.

Kate lives in Indianapolis, as does my grandma (not necessary for the story, but an interesting little piece of trivia). I have been friends with Kate for a very long time despite never having actually met her. She is an online friend. Also, a Sprint PCS PictureMail friend. Through some twist of fate in conversation both of us found out we had no plans nor any friends to hang out with for the 4th; we decided on a whim to hang out together. To recap, that means my plans for the 4th are to go to a place I’ve never been (my grandma lives in a slummier, more Project-ridden area of Indy while Kate lives in a richer, more well-to-do neighborhood that I’ve never visited) and hang out with someone I don’t actually know who could very well turn out to be a machete-wielding killer waiting, ever so patiently, for the last 4 or 5 years to kill me.

Now, I’d say that’s a bit of a change from my usual 4th of July routine.

As for the Awkwardness Level rating of this encounter, I’d say it’s holding steady at a high 9. The only way it could get higher is if she actually DID turn out to be a machete-wielding killer. That would be pretty awkward, I think.

Needless to say, I’m a bit nervous about this whole ordeal. Naturally, my Shaun Lewis ways will kick in and I’ll wind up somehow being kicked in the face by a horse, beating up her grandma, or in an equally embarrassing situation. It should prove to be an interesting trip and I will most certainly provide an update about it. Actually, I probably won’t because I suck at updating.

Kate and I do have an interesting line-up of plans though. First on the list is Steak ‘n’ Shake. Next is the Twilight Zone Marathon on the Sci-Fi channel (yes… I realize we’re both really big nerds because we actually want to watch this. Most of my friends are nerds though so this is no diversion in my ways). Following that, we are going to find some fireworks to watch by just “driving around” and “looking for them.” (Who needs plans anyway, right?) Oh, and at my request, we’re going to make cookies.

So, in summation…

1) Number of times she has the opportunity to kill me: 3… one at my request (poison, baby) because I like to make it easy on my assassins.

2) Number of bad plans: 1… 2 if you don’t like Twilight Zone Marathons.

3) How well-thought out is this trip? Not very. We only decided on it like 2 days ago though. So… whatever, I guess.

That’s gonna be my Monday though. Pretty awkward and spur-of-the-moment but definitely a change from the normal, which is what I wanted. My goal in detailing everything here is to let everyone know that if you don’t hear from me for a few days, I am either dead already or I am being ransomed for money. Also, if you are not doing anything on Monday (evening and night) feel free to call my cellular telephone to make sure I’m still alive. In fact, I would LOVE IT if everyone called. It’ll make me feel infinitely more secure. Plus, I’ll feel more popular.

What can I say? I crave attention.