Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

So, it’s a Monday night.

My stay in Dallas (Texas, of course) is over and I am back in the grand state of Ohio. There are a few things I notice immediately upon my return: 1) Ohio doesn’t whore itself out like Texas does with “Don’t Mess With Texas”-themed products and 2) Ohio has a general regard for driver safety that is not present in the Lone Star State. I really had a lot of fun, but I am definitely glad to be home because, as a poet once said, “home is home.”

For the record, I am that poet. What can I say? I’m good with words.

Now, I should probably detail my trip…

The Trip

Tuesday and Wednesday
At around 8:30 p.m. the trip began. Jacki, Jason and I pointed the car towards Texas and drove. Literally. We ran through houses, over sidewalks, into trees, poles and fire hydrants — it was destruction everywhere. Also, it was beautiful. Oh, and that didn’t happen. We just did the normal driving thing and used roads. Infinitely less exciting, yes, but a lot less likely to end in our arrests, thousands of dollars in damage and possibly death.

16 hours after we left, we got where we were headed, Dallas (technically Mesquite, but close enough, right?). Really. 16 hours. If you think it’s rough, try doing it with Jason in the car. He’s not exactly known for the length of his attention span. (Nor is Jacki, but her ability to entertain herself was incredible this time).

In all fairness, the trip was incredibly tedious. More so for me up until Arkansas because I had already made that trip a lot more than twice. Jason could have been a lot more to handle than he was. In fact, I expected more. He kind of let me down. Jason, for the record you are a good guy and I’m not trying to put you down or anything like that — especially when you and Jacki were my bankroll when my credit card stopped working. Thanks again for that, guys.

So, we ended up getting to Mesquite on Wednesday afternoon. I immediately slept because I couldn’t sleep in the car at all. When I say “slept when we got there,” I mean that I lay on the couch and tried to sleep, but couldn’t. After about an hour, we left to go do some stuff around Dallas and surrounding areas. I was pretty tired by the end. The best part of the day came in the evening though.

There is a revolving restaurant atop the Reunion Tower in Downtown Dallas. Normally, one would go to the Observation Deck, but this time it was closed because it was nighttime. So, all 4 of us (Cherith, our reason for the trip, joined Jacki, Jason and myself now) decided at the suggestion of the elevator “guard” (or “old black man in a green vest”) to make our way to the Cocktail Lounge instead. The view was breathtaking. It was one of the best parts of the trip. Excellent.

Oh! While we were in the lobby of the hotel beside the tower, Jacki and I got Cherith to perform her “Jurassic Park Monologue” in a deserted ballroom with a stage. It was wicked awesome. There’s a long story to describe what exactly that is so I’m going to avoid it. Really, I guess it’s just her on the stage pretending to be a dinosaur. It’s EXTREMELY funny though.

So, that was Wednesday.

Thursday

On Thursday, all 4 of us made the pilgrimage to Tyler, TX: the home of Jacki and Cherith’s cult. I have to be honest and admit that I was a little nervous about what to expect. I wound up being very pleasantly surprised. The campus was beautiful. Furthermore, I began to understand everything Jacki had told me. I finally got it! So much so, I don’t even really consider it a cult anymore. Still, I’ll continue to make fun of it for a little while at least; that just brings me too much joy to quit cold turkey.

That was the first half of the day, for the second half, we drove around Tyler and went to a world famous rose garden. Jacki, Cherith and I lay in the grass for about an hour and a half. I got one of the greatest pictures of Cherith I have ever seen. I would upload it and display it, but I’m pretty sure she would kill me. So… that probably won’t happen.

Later in the evening, we went to a park where Jacki and Cherith used to camp out at. When we arrived it was dark and you could see almost every single star in the sky. It was beautiful. Jacki and I went swimming where I found a scissor jack. Her and Cherith thought it was a skeleton and wouldn’t let me tell them it wasn’t at first. I kept shouting, “It’s metal! It’s metal!” but no one was listening. When I found a constellation in the sky that looked like a dead squirrel, Jacki and I ended up looking for shooting stars. That isn’t interesting in and of itself except that I was having difficulties seeing any. Jacki decided to help my self-esteem by asking me, and I quote, “Did you see that star, stupid?” when she happened to see one.

After a little swim, we got out of the lake and had some s’mores. We all went to bed and most everyone slept. I didn’t do so good with that part of the lake trip. There was a train that ran by every 20 minutes or so. Still, I got a few hours in.

I woke up early, but didn’t feel like getting up because no one else was awake so I just put my blanket over my head and tried to go back to sleep. What made me get up was when Jacki and Cherith starting yelling something about a bear. Jason and I jerked out of our blankets and saw something that did indeed look exactly like a bear. Eventually, it turned out to be a very large dog with red, bloodshot eyes. Luckily, he was very friendly. My sleeping bag was apparently very comfortable-looking too because he quickly made his way directly for me and wound up sitting on it while waiting for me to pet him.

Of course, I was patting my knee and whistling for him to come before he actualy did. That could be the reason for his apparent love of me. I’ll try to get some pictures from Jason eventually and update this post with ‘em. This is the dog I was talking about.

Friday

We did a lot on Friday. I went to visit Delano, my 2nd cousin once removed. I also learned that he was my 2nd cousin once removed in a quick and dirty geneology lesson from Jacki. That was cool. All I really feel like talking about though is a picture I absolutely love of Jacki. I was playing with Jason’s camera while he was reading a book. I noticed my window was down, so I said to Jason, “Don’t freak out,” and stuck his camera out the window to get a picture of Jacki. It will be below this paragraph as soon as I can steal it from Jason. Doesn’t she look wonderful? It’s the best picture ever — I swear.

Saturday

Went to a rodeo and JFK Museum. Jacki and Cherith both got tattoos because they like to mess with people’s minds. I think that pretty much sums up that day.

This was taken after a bunch of kids swarmed the arena floor like sharks to chase a calf.

Hockey = Zamboni and ice Rodeo = Tractor and dirt

Sunday

Started and finished the drive home. Jacki and I played a little game that I liked during this drive. We would asked each other a question starting with, “What is your favorite…” and then a noun; then the other person would answer it. Example question asked by Jacki: “What is your favorite kind of volcanic ash?” My response: “Just regular ole.” That doesn’t sound terribly exciting at all, but it really was. It must’ve been too — Jacki and I played it for 8 and a half hours.

Seriously. 8 and a half hours. I’m pretty sure Jason was contemplating suicide by the end.

If you can’t tell, I’m getting a little tired of chronicling my trip to Texas. Suffice it to say I had a wonderful time. I think everyone did. We all were pretty happy and jovial the entire time. It was definitely a good, solid vacation. Like I said though, I’m still happy to be home. I like my house, my shower and my bed. Well, maybe not my bed. It’s a bit firm, you know. Kind of hurts my back. Definitely my house and my shower though. The one thing I don’t like, you ask?

Having to proofread this massive entry.