How Spastic Are You?

Do you know?

1. When I see money on the ground I…
Run as fast as I can, knocking over elderly women and children to get to it first.
Stop and look around to make sure no one is looking before I pick up the money.
Yell. In fact, I yell even if I don’t find money. Really, my life is just me walking places and yelling.
Pick it up and think about how I can use the money to buy things for my friends.
Pick it up and then go to sleep.

2. Which of these items is most appealing?
A gun
A large plate of spaghetti
Baby ducks!
A trip to the movies
My bed and/or hard liquor

3. On road trips with my friends, I usually end up…
Talking to myself for hours after everyone is exhausted from listening. Actually, it’s more like ranting.
Driving.
Shouting, singing, playing air guitar, inventing new languages, laughing uncontrollably, and wandering around aimlessly in rest areas.
Helping the driver navigate because they are usually lost.
Sleeping.

4. This one time, I…
Stabbed a man in the heart.
Made money in the stock market.
Grabbed the steering wheel from the passenger’s seat and pulled the car I was in off the road.
Served hot soup to a bunch of homeless people.
None of the above.

5. I frequently…
Do crazy things that no one can explain.
Drink and party.
Yell loudly into a cell phone.
Hang out on the weekends with my friends.
Wake up after noon.

6. My organizational skills are…
Good, but only I understand how my things are organized.
Excellent.
Nonexistent.
Quite Prussian.
Useless because I rarely have anything to organize.

7. The most common phrase I hear is…
“You are crazy.”
“I find you attractive.”
“OK. Now, what did you say?”
“You are a great friend!”
“My God, man! You haven’t showered in eight days!”

8. Your friend tells you a secret. What do you do?
Keep it locked away inside my head so I can make fun of them later.
Not tell anyone about it for a very long time, but let it eventually slip out.
Secret… I’m not sure if I know what this word means.
Never tell anyone.
Probably forget it because I wasn’t listening to the person in the first place.

9. The TV shows that appeal to me…
are on Adult Swim.
are some sort of reality show.
contain lots of colors, noises and flashing lights.
are on ABC, NBC or CBS or I don’t watch TV.
are Anime or are named The O.C.

10. Something I want to do in the future is…
Become famous.
Make a lot of money.
Learn to juggle and swallow swords.
Find the love of my life.
Start a band.

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