Shaun Lewis: the Man, the Myth, the Legend

So, I’m sitting here at the comptuer thinking about something. There’s a question I feel every man, woman and child should contemplate before they die. In a fight to the death, who would win: man-eating tiger or tiger-eating man? I think you will be pleasantly surprised with the outcome of my analysis.

Definitely, the tiger-eating man would win.

I know many of you are thinking to yourselves, “You’re fuckin’ crazy, Shaun! A tiger-eating man can beat a man-eating tiger?! I hope you rot in Hell!” There are also many of you who have formed an opinion in your head with far fewer curse words. Some of you may think I’m right, but are probably wrong when it comes to the reason. Whatever audience you belong to, please… bear with me on my explanation.

First, I should probably describe what exactly these creatures are. Let’s start with the man-eating tiger. It is a fierce beast capable of eating, among other things, men. The tiger has claws, fangs, a fair amount of camoflauge because of its fur, a reputation for killing, and a natural instinct for hunting. Tigers have been known to live in some of the harshest climates on the planet. If the man-eating tiger were a TV or film personality, it would probably be Clint Eastwood because Clint Eastwood rocks my world. Tigers also rock my world.

So, that’s a tiger.

Now, picture a man that can outwit what I just described. That’s a tiger-eating man. Do you really think any average man-eating tiger is going to be able to stand up against that? Come on! How naive can you be?! That man kills tigers on a daily basis! He lives on them! Is the tiger-eating man an endangered species?! No, and there’s a reason for that! It’s because he is better than the man-eating tiger!

I think my arguments stand for themselves as the work of a true academic genius; man-eating tigers clearly cannot beat the tiger-eating man. The tiger-eating man is a credit to the human race. He can match wits with one of the jungle’s most feared predators.

Also, the tiger-eating man can shoot things with his LASER eyes.